SIDE STORY: see what's inside my heart

*jade*

i make walls around me... and no one even dares to break it down.. for no one has seen it yet..

but the day came... when all my steel walls came crashing down.. and its all because of her.

she was like no one else. she always has this frown on her face, the most worry wart 5 year old i've ever seen. she has this flowing brown wavy hair.. and eyes.. that's screaming sadness. when i saw her.. i know, she's the one who set me free. she gave me a purpose. right then and there i knew...

i have to be stronger than anyone else, to protect her from the things that she's worried of. to make her lose that worry wart attitude..

but aside from that undying desire... something happened before..

i went to school, but i didnt went to class. i just spent the whole day sitting on the rooftop. crying.
i was wailing actually, confident that no one can hear my sobs and screams. till i heard footsteps.

that was when i saw her smiled at me so sweetly, my heart broke all the more.
i saw that there was no pity in her eyes, but instead, it was filled with softness and a hidden promise that everything will soon be okay.

"are you okay? boys dont cry you know"

i looked away from.. hiding my embarrassment

"you don't need to be shy. its natural.. i understand.. even though im already five.. i still cry.."

still.. i wont look at her..

then.. unexpectedly.. she took my face in her hands and made me look at her..

"im eli.. i dont like using my whole name cause i haven't memorized it yet.. its too long! hahahaha... anyway... don't cry.. whatever it is... it'll pass okay?"

then she closed her eyes, then kissed my forehead.
i was so shocked that i couldn't move...

"im going back down now... better fix you face before you go home ok? bye bye!"

then i was again left alone.

that was the only time i felt loved. eli.... the five year old girl who still cries. i swore.. from that day on... she's the only one who owns me.

when someone would dare take a look at my heart... they see lots of scars... and lots of bruises..
but they'd be surprised that most of the space.. are not enough.. for my love of her.

i never knew how to tell her the whole truth... for the whole truth never really made sense.

im not good with words... it always come out like an insult... and in our case... saying another failed delivery.. will only lead to more hell...

but someday... i will tell her..

"my heart is in your hands... please... take good care of it"