SIDE STORY: see what's inside my heart

*jade*

i make walls around me... and no one even dares to break it down.. for no one has seen it yet..

but the day came... when all my steel walls came crashing down.. and its all because of her.

she was like no one else. she always has this frown on her face, the most worry wart 5 year old i've ever seen. she has this flowing brown wavy hair.. and eyes.. that's screaming sadness. when i saw her.. i know, she's the one who set me free. she gave me a purpose. right then and there i knew...

i have to be stronger than anyone else, to protect her from the things that she's worried of. to make her lose that worry wart attitude..

but aside from that undying desire... something happened before..

i went to school, but i didnt went to class. i just spent the whole day sitting on the rooftop. crying.
i was wailing actually, confident that no one can hear my sobs and screams. till i heard footsteps.

that was when i saw her smiled at me so sweetly, my heart broke all the more.
i saw that there was no pity in her eyes, but instead, it was filled with softness and a hidden promise that everything will soon be okay.

"are you okay? boys dont cry you know"

i looked away from.. hiding my embarrassment

"you don't need to be shy. its natural.. i understand.. even though im already five.. i still cry.."

still.. i wont look at her..

then.. unexpectedly.. she took my face in her hands and made me look at her..

"im eli.. i dont like using my whole name cause i haven't memorized it yet.. its too long! hahahaha... anyway... don't cry.. whatever it is... it'll pass okay?"

then she closed her eyes, then kissed my forehead.
i was so shocked that i couldn't move...

"im going back down now... better fix you face before you go home ok? bye bye!"

then i was again left alone.

that was the only time i felt loved. eli.... the five year old girl who still cries. i swore.. from that day on... she's the only one who owns me.

when someone would dare take a look at my heart... they see lots of scars... and lots of bruises..
but they'd be surprised that most of the space.. are not enough.. for my love of her.

i never knew how to tell her the whole truth... for the whole truth never really made sense.

im not good with words... it always come out like an insult... and in our case... saying another failed delivery.. will only lead to more hell...

but someday... i will tell her..

"my heart is in your hands... please... take good care of it"

fishes got caught by the mouth

*Jaden's point of view

this is really stupid.. this actually sucks. i hate myself.

yesterday, i gave Eli the "attitude" and now... she is totally avoiding me! it's even worse than before... it's as if i do not exist at all! darn it.. why can't i just swallow my pride like always? oh yeah.. i remember... i'm the one who said "I'm tired of this!"... damn. damn it all.... DAMN IT!! ARGGGGGHHHH!!!!

"uhm.. earth to Jaden?"

damn it... damn it.... arrrggghhh!!

"JADEN IDIOT CHO!"

what the heck? that caught me, and i found Lin staring at me. "what do you want?!" i said.

"hell, stop contemplating like a fungus moron and go talk to her already! we can't function! AT ALL!"

i was trying to decode her when i felt something pinch me..

"Dude, she's right! we need the chords arranged by tomorrow Jaden.. WE are the ones in charge of the production in case you forgot..." Erick reminded using his oh so sarcastic tone.

i breathed in the warm stench of the school and breathed out.. i really need to think and i mean really think.. without any Eli popping in to interrupt..

"DUDE!!!" , now it was the two of them on each ear.

"what the hell! yeah yeah i heard! i can like do tuning this evening! and Erick i told you already that i'm no good in notes so i guess that will be automatically Lin's job! And for you Ms. Lin Almighty, I ALREADY FINISHED LYRICS AND ARRANGEMENTS!! YOU TWO ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO HASN'T DONE ANYTHING YET! both of you need to grow spines!"

the two of them looked at me, with semi pain stricken faces. oh shit, i think i just went over board. shit.

Lin gave me a smile that didn't reach her eyes.. then went back to class. Erick patted my shoulder and started fixing his bag. before he leaving he looked at me and said,

"Jaden, we are your friends, and we can tolerate whatever attitude you have. But please, if you're just gonna be an ass because of that diva, better quit it fast. cuz you are hurting people already."

shit. it's total shit.

_________

6 pm


ring... ring... ring..

tap tap tap tap tap...

since when did she ever ignored my calls... this is the 4th time i called..

ring .... ring... ring...

tap tap tap...

"what?"

"hey pretty!"

i heard her muffled laugh... and that's all i need to hear, to know i'm forgiven

"hey...sorry...about earlier.."

tck..tck..tck... going on 40 seconds.. and still no reply..

"Melina...."

"oh don't you dare Melina me you moron! i don't deserve to be treated like trash just because you're precious princess was doing it to you!"

(sigh)

'' i know Lin... that's why i said...-"

"Nuh uh you idiot! i never heard you say anything!''

(sigh)

"hello? JADEN DEXTER CHO, DON'T YOU DARE ACT ALL IRRITATED WHEN I SHOULD BE THE ONE DOING THAT!''

this girl is so feisty. i can't remember if she got this mad at me before. i cleared my throat to let her know that i'm done listening.. and that i wanna be the one to do the talking.

"Lin... i'm sorry. it is because of the pressure.. the production comin up and Eli too... and yes.. you don't deserve what i did... and i'm sorry again..."

"you left out one part though."

huh? "and may i know what that is?"

"you said Erick and I should like grow spines!"

i laughed... "well.. don't you think that part was kinda true?"

"you no good moron. i hate you."

i smiled. and our case was closed. session dismissed. i won.

"and i love you too, you spineless goddess."

"oh shut up! tune the chords! it's in your mail kay? see yah tomorrow."

"thanks babe."

i heard a gagging sound on the other end, "don't ever call me that ever again! ERICK IS THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO DO THAT!".

"wha-? Erick?"

"uhmmm... oh... nothing! love you too babe! hahaha... haha.. uhm.. haha! see you moron!".

what the fuck was that?