On another point..(SIGH)

*Eli's POV

Waking up after the competition is the best. Why? Cuz, it's time for school again. I can escape this place and be where I am most happy...

The truth is..(sigh)... I like... the challenge. I love being # 1 but it's really the challenge that excites me the most. The fact that Jade will be the only person who can ever defeat me (like I will let that happen!), and he is the one person that is worth beating.

I never really told this to anyone...but, I.Like.Jade.

I can still remember that day... when he asked me if we could be friends. He is the popular boy who seems to know everything and yet, still manage to look cool and relax. It's as if, academics is so simple for him...comparable to breathing air.

He is this guy who would always irritate me and piss me off. He is this guy who would give me the biggest smile when I needed it the most.

But I have to stay away. I know that it's one of his tactics. He will never like a "princess" like me. He said so himself. I know that he is just trying to find my weakness, trying to catch me off guard.

(sigh)... "Be number one you worthless brat!"
The very words of my mother. Sometimes, I forget why I'm doing this. Who am I doing it for. Is it for me? So that I won't have another bruise/cut/whole set of broken bones? Or for her? To show her how worthy I am...if not as her daughter, as a person.

But I keep on failing. I keep on falling on that 2nd spot, right next to Jade. Which in my point of view, sucks a lot. I mean, what is it with him that I can't even come close to what he is? And the part that I don't like the most is that... I can't even be civil with him, for he is the hindrance to my salvation. I like him a lot, but I need to make sure that I defeat him first, so that I could live longer (cuz my mother will finally get off my ass), then maybe... that will be the time when I can finally be a normal person towards him.

(sigh) What I have will be considered as an impasse. I need to break it. Fast.

Cuz I am tired of this secluded lifestyle. I am tired of cold tears, wet pillow cases, red swollen eyes, dark bruised skin, hurtful words.

I am tired of not being me. I know this is not Eli. I know there is another me somewhere and to be able to find her... I need to be set free from here...

But until then... I'll be my mother's robot.
Until then...

I can't tell him... never...